Sunday, November 13, 2016

A Special Snowflake Test

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By now you've noticed that some people just aren't handling the election all that well. You may even be one of them. Below is a test to determine if you are in that esteemed group known affectionately as Special Snowflakes. Let's get started, shall we?

  1. Have you cried, screamed or broke something since Tuesday?                              Yes    No
  2. Was the thing you broke owned by someone else?                                                 Yes    No
  3. Are you currently unemployed with a degree in Gender Studies?                          Yes    No
  4. Do you consider Community Organizer a job to aspire to?                                    Yes    No
  5. Did you not take your exams because of the Trump win?                                      Yes   No 
  6. Do you believe the country owes you something?                                                  Yes   No
  7. Have you ever attended a coloring session and strived to stay within the lines?    Yes   No
  8. Do you get offended by even the most minor joke?                                                Yes   No
  9. Do you think Trump voters are backward rednecks who hate gays?                       Yes   No
  10. Do you think signing a petition will make Hillary president?                                  Yes   No
That's it. If you answered yes to any one of the questions, you are indeed a special snowflake and need to grow the hell up. And since you're all used to participation trophies, feel free to get yours by sending a self addressed, stamped envelope to:

1600 Pennsylvania Avenue NW
Washington, DC 20500
Attn: President Trump
Trophies will be shipped after January 20, 2017

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