Two Amusing Takes on The Porkulus Bill

First, the always humorous Iowahawk:

"The number itself is incomprehensible by human minds, and can only be theoretically understood in a fractional parallel universe which we refer to as the DC dimension," said Brossard. "The best way to understand a stimulus is to imagine a dollar sign followed by a packed string of hexidecimal nanodigits, wound into a triple helix, woven into a dodecahedron, and stacked on top of one another. Now imagine you were a black hole on the far edge of the universe, trying to escape the stimulus at 30 times the speed of light. The stimulus would still catch up to you and ram your black hole with such furious, repeated force that it would cause your entire reality itself to collapse."

And don't forget Ann Coulter:

Judging by the care that the State Department took with private visa records last year, that the Ohio government took with Joe the Plumber's government records, that the Pentagon took with Linda Tripp's employment records in 1998, and that the FBI took with thousands of top secret "raw" background files in President Clinton's first term, the bright side is: We'll finally be able to find out if Bill Clinton has syphilis -- all thanks to the stimulus bill!

HHS bureaucrats will soon be empowered to overrule your doctor. Doctors who don't comply with the government's treatment protocols will be fined. That's right: Instead of your treatment being determined by your doctor, it will be settled on by some narcoleptic half-wit in Washington who couldn't get a job in the private sector.

Read both of them.

Ann Coulter, Gays and a Weird Fixation

So some irritating gay guy sees Ann Coulter at a gay club in LA and automatically thinks he has a scoop which he then writes about at the Puff Ho:

We had dinner last night at Murano, a new West Hollywood restaurant, owned by gay circuit party promoter Jeffrey Sanker, and lesbian night club owners Robin Gans and Sandy Sachs. It's a visually stunning space, straight lines, whites and reds accented by brilliant Murano glass chandeliers (hence the name of the restaurant). It's right at home within eyeshot of West Hollywood's Pacific Design Center, clearly appealing in a neighborhood of gay clubs, bars and restaurants.

Toward the end of dinner, one of my companions insisted that the painfully thin, emotive, long blond haired thing in a small black dress with nearly exposed bosoms was none other than Ann Coulter. I did not believe him. Why would Ann Coulter, who hates homosexuals, go to dinner at gay ground zero? Why would she spend her hard earned gay-bashing royalties to enrich Jeffrey Sanker and otherwise support gay-owned businesses?

But sure enough, he was right. I could not tell if she was dining with people she hates or just demonstrating that she's a fraud who says whatever she must to sell books so that she can live the gay urban lifestyle. Based on her behavior last night, I am sure it is the latter, although based on her table mates, it could be both.

Got that? Just because Ann Coulter was eating in a gay-owned establishment, she must be gay, right? Uh, wrong. I wonder if the reverse of that is true--if Mr. Jacobs eats in a straight-owned eatery, he must be a fake homosexual only pretending to be gay to appeal to the gay community, right? I'll be honest, I ate in many places last week and never once asked the owner if he or she was gay. I guess I'm just not elite or effete enough. Also, I'm just a working stiff and I guess I would look foolish walking into TGI Fridays and asking if the owner was gay. I may want to withhold that question at the local Italian eateries as the owners are kinda Tony Soprano-like.

Anyway, so what if she ate in a gay place, maybe her "gaydar" was malfunctioning or something.

The blog entry continues with this inane scribe commenting that when it was revealed that it was Ann and they asked her questions, she got embarrassed as if she didn't want to be noticed there. Uh, dude, she's Ann fuckin' Coulter, she's on TV more than the President, I would imagine she knew someone would notice her in any establishment, gay, straight or Chuck E. Cheese's for crying out loud!

This drivel continues:

Ann Coulter had nothing to say last night because anything she could conjure would have been too absurd. So she ducked her head, embarrassed at being caught where she most likes to be, hoping to disappear. Ann Coulter is a coward who uses evil speech in the safety of a studio to make money. She obviously does not even believe the obscenities she hurls at America, a country she says she hates.

You see how that's done? Eating in a gay place and you are automatically gay. From the picture this maggot posted, it appears there were men and women present so it wasn't an intimate dinner with a lesbian or anything.

Anyway, perhaps Ann is gay and who the hell cares? Alot of Jews are liberal and Liberals are by far the largest bloc of anti-Semites. Some Conservatives believe in amnesty for illegals and that's anathema to GOP thinking. My point is, why do homosexuals take such great joy in outing those who may not be comfortable being outed? That's not tolerance, it's intrusion on ones right to privacy. It's a weird fetish that afflicts many gays and it seems a bit unhealthy and creepy to be honest. Whenever a Larry Craig comes along, they get downright giddy and love to point at the newly outed gay guy. They have no respect for his family or the trauma they inflict, it's a malady that is perpetuated by lonely gay men who should be out at the cafe Ann was eating at and not home trying to insinuate another human is gay for sport.