Welcome to Philly Rays Fans

Let be among the first (and few) to welcome Rays fans to our happy city. Frank Fitzpatrick is among the scant others who say welcome in his own special way:

If you arrive early for Sunday's game, do not, under any circumstances, wander into the Eagles' parking lots. (If you're confused, the Eagles' lots are those where the balloons of nitrous oxide are going for $20 and the tailgaters are grilling Dallas fans.) The last out-of-town baseball fan who made that mistake was cornered, beaten, and forced to watch Eagles Post Game Live.

Yeah, Birds games are kinda like Dead shows with alot more beer and a violence level that is about 1000-times more than your average Black Sabbath gig.

Anyway, I'd like to give you some pointers as well:

Stay away from the bullpen when your guy is warming up. The Phils fans are right on top of them and tend to be the variety that is, shall we say...full of beer and piss. The pic below is the bullpen your Rays will have to warm up in. 'Nuff said.

Next, as Fitz alluded to, it's probably not in your best interest to wear Rays gear. You would probably be smarter to just paint a bullseye on your back as the B.J. Upton jersey you bought last week at Modell's will serve the same purpose.

Also, as Fitz mentioned, you may want to stay on the north side of Pattison Ave. The Linc is that big building on the south side where the Eagles will be playing tomorrow. Now, the Rays aren't playing until 8:00 PM and the Eagles play at 1:00 PM. The Eagles fans will have been drinking at the Linc since roughly 6:00 AM; do the math and realize it doesn't add up in your favor. That's fourteen hours to get properly lubricated by game time. God help you should the Eagles lose because all bets are off at that point. You may want to find the nice policeman riding a horse and stay close to him. As a public service, below is a picture of a typical Eagles fan. Not the beer firmly planted in hand the sloped forhead and mouth formed in a perfect scream that is either aimed at Tony Romo or else Andy Reid has just called his fourth straight running play in the red zone. Here's more of a primer.

Finally, should you feel the need to break out the cowbell you all so irritatingly ring, the chances are pretty high that it will be removed by the proctologist on call at Thomas Jefferson Hospital. You had better hope said proctologist is not a Phillies fan.

Please feel free to e-mail me if you need any more survival tips and welcome to our fair city--the City of Brotherly Love. Enjoy your stay.