Exclusive! The Blue States of America Declaration of Independence

EXCLUSIVE: MUST CREDIT ENVIRONMENTAL REPUBLICAN

An ER operative has smuggled a copy of the forthcoming Blue States of America Declaration of Independence. It has been rumored that a break from the Red states was in the works and today we have confirmation. This document was conceived and written on the two coasts in executive sessions at Elaines and Spago.

Our operative was in grave peril sitting through the entirely Yearly Kos, all Democrat Presidential debates and numerous John Edwards speeches. He hid this document in his socks and underwear so that he could get it past the guards who were on loan from the Make Marijuana Legal Foundation.

I submit this document to you completely unredacted. A PDF version of this document will be posted on Drudge later today (and then removed so the libs get really confused).

Below is the complete version of the Blue States of America (BSA--but not to be confused with the extremely homophobic Boy Scouts of America) Declaration of Independence, respectfully submitted to the Supreme Leader President. Note the requested changes in red.

When in the Course of human events it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God Gaia entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind humankind including men, women and transgendered requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men men, women and transgendered are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator Gaia and the UN with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. — That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men men, women and transgendered, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, — That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government a socialist form of governance, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing maximizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to (us) effect their Safety and Happiness (unless the happiness includes trans fats, smoking and lawful ownership of a gun). Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security. — Such has been the patient sufferance of these Colonies Blue States; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government. The history of the present King of Great Britain Bush regime is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts fake but acurate statements be submitted to a candid world.

He has refused his Assent to Laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.

He has forbidden his Governors to pass Laws of immediate and pressing importance (such as maintaining a womans right an abortion), unless suspended in their operation till his Assent should be obtained; and when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend to them (not really but it sounds good).

He has refused to pass other Laws for the accommodation of large districts of people, unless those people would relinquish the right of Representation in the Legislature, a right inestimable to them and formidable to tyrants only.

He has called together legislative bodies at places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from the depository of their Public Records (except in the case where voting out of district or carpetbagging helps Democrats, this is oppressive), for the sole purpose of fatiguing them into compliance with his measures.

He has dissolved spoken meanly of Representative Houses repeatedly, for opposing with manly firmness his invasions on the rights of the people.

He has refused for a long time, after such dissolutions, to cause others to be elected (and stole the elections he lost), whereby the Legislative Powers, incapable of Annihilation, have returned to the People at large for their exercise; the State remaining in the mean time exposed to all the dangers of invasion from without, and convulsions within.

He has endeavoured to prevent the population of these States; for that purpose obstructing the Laws for Naturalization of Foreigners; refusing to pass others to encourage their migrations hither, and raising the conditions of new Appropriations of Lands.

He has obstructed the Administration of Justice by refusing his Assent to Laws for establishing Judiciary Powers.

He has made Judges dependent on his Will alone for the tenure of their offices, and the amount and payment of their salaries. and has selected judges who would strike down Roe v. Wade.

He has erected a multitude of New Offices, and sent hither swarms of Officers to harass our people and eat out their substance. but they are not the important kind like establishing universal health care and expanding S-Chip.

He has kept among us, in times of peace, Standing Armies (such as Blackwater) without the Consent of our legislatures.

He has affected to render the Military independent of and superior to the Civil Power (which is not really a problem but it just sounds like speaking truth to power).

He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his Assent to their Acts of pretended Legislation:

For quartering large bodies of armed troops among us For listening into to foreign terrorists phone calls:

For protecting them Soldiers, by a mock Trial from punishment for any Murders which they should commit on the Inhabitants of these States such as Hadditha even though they didn't occur:

For cutting off our Trade with all parts of the world (except we want trade with Cuba):

For imposing Taxes on us without our Consent: (Make sure that one gets removed, sheesh!)

For depriving us in many cases, of the benefit of Trial by Jury (in cases of rendition):

For transporting us beyond Seas to be tried for pretended offences (see rendition above):

...

He has abdicated Government here, by declaring us out of his Protection and waging War against us (as shown by all of the dissenters now doing hard labor in the Colorado gulags).

He has plundered our seas, ravaged our coasts, burnt our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people (and not signed the Kyoto Protocols).

He is at this time transporting large Armies of foreign Mercenaries (Haliburton, Blackwater) to compleat the works of death, desolation, and tyranny (in Afghanistan and Iraq all in the name of Israel and oil) , already begun with circumstances of Cruelty & Perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the Head of a civilized nation
...

He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavoured to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian Savages Native Americans whose land we stole, whose known rule of warfare, is an undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions. (Only Bush is a war monger)

In every stage of these Oppressions We have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble terms: Our repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A Prince President and Vice President, whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.

Nor have We been wanting in attentions to our British fascist, Nazi-like brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf unhearing to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our Separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, Enemies in War, in Peace Friends (We hate the fascist pigs all of the time).

We, therefore, the Representatives of the united Blue States of America, in General Congress, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world United Nations for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the good People of these Colonies Blue States, solemnly publish and declare, That these united Colonies Blue States are, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent States from New England down to New Jersey, Wisconsin, Washington State, Oregon and California, that they are Absolved from all Allegiance to the British Crown fascist dictatorship of Red America, and that all political connection between them and the State of Great Britain fascist, racist USA, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as Free and Independent States, they have full Power to levy War strict denunciations of unpleasant actions in the strongest words possible, conclude Peace, contract Alliances, establish Commerce, and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent States may of right do. — And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence The United Nations, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives use of our condo on the Upper East Side, our Fortunes collected tax revenue, and our sacred Honor Malibu beach house.

Signed,

Markos Moulitsas Zuniga--Supreme Leader
George Soros--Fed Chairman
Arianna Huffington--Writer of the document (although I allowed Alec Baldwin and Jane Hamsher to write it under my name)
John Murtha--Secretary of the Treasurer
Nancy Pelosi--Secretary of Janitorial Services
Rosie O'Donnell--Court Jester
Randie Rhoads--Secretary of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms
Denis Kucinich--Secretary of Peace and UFO Research
Edward Kennedy--Secretary of Transportation
Ron Paul--Secretary of 9/11 Truth