Halloween at Jasperwood

Lileks plays with the little trick or treaters:

Rather than make the supplicants and extortionists climb the great stairs up to Jasperwood’s front door, I set up shop in the garage at the foot of the hill. Open the door, roll out some orange rope lights, and sit there with a cup of coffee dispensing treats. The first two kids looked about eleven or twelve. One of them had a mask that almost looked like George Bush Sr. after a horrible skin graft; the other was dressed as a bunny.And you are –“Hugh Hefner,” he said. Hef’s impassive and inexact face stared at me for a few seconds. “Hey, you’re in the paper,” he said. “I’ve read your stuff.”“And I’ve read yours,” I said. “Great articles.”He didn’t quite get the allusion, thank heavens. Off they went. Other highlights:“And you must be a warlock!”(Coldly) “Actually, I’m a witch.”“That’s what I meant, a female warlock.”---“Why, it’s a gladiator!”“I’m Alexander the Gweat.”“Ah, the master of all he beheld! The young man who broke down and wept when there were no more worlds to conquer. Dead at 32!”(pause) (pause) (pause) “Twick o Tweat.”---"And what be this?""I’m a jester."“Of course, a jester! A fool, here to tweak the conscience of the king?” At this point I thought hey, this liberal arts education was finally paying off. Bring on the kid dressed as a cherry orchard with an axe through one leg. Why, you symbolize the old ways of Russia, vanishing under the onslaught of Emancipation and modernity! Take two pieces.The last two kids were dressed as Tolkein elves. Or very flamboyant Vulcans. Most heartening costume: three boys dressed as the FBI, the Secret Service, and the Army. Most amusing moments: three boys screamed “BUSH IS SCARY VOTE FOR KERRY,” whereupon I took back the bowl of candy. The look on their faces was priceless.“Aren’t you going to vote for Kerry?” asked one.“Your choice: I can vote for Kerry and you get one piece, or I vote for Bush and you get two.”Total pieces dispensed: six

Typical Democrats, they'll sell their soul for double the handout. Of course, read the entire post, it's a classic.