Kerry's Diary

Dear diary,

It's been a rough couple of months for me with those Swifty jerks, no convention bounce, the miserable failure that whole forgery thing turned out to be (Terry McAuliffe promised it would work, and it would've if it wasn't for those pesky pajama-clad bloggers, but I digress).

Now this wannabe leader Allawi decides to come to America and tell a joint session of congress that their is reason for optimism and hope in Iraq. Is he crazy? Doesn't he realize that if Iraq settles down and becomes a thriving democracy I have nothing to pin on Jr. Bush? This is my time, time for a new JFK.

I'm going to speak out today and say that Bush and Allawi are unrealistic, that'll show them. I'm so glad I brought in Lockhart and Carville, they will put me over the top.

I am so glad that I got my voice back today, the American people love it everytime I speak, at least that's what Mary Beth says. I kinda wish Teresa would put a sock in it though (of course I can't tell her that, she might not give me my allowance).

Well diary, I have to go, I hear Dan Rather is about to break a story about Bush producing porno films and he has documents to back it up. This is going to work. I'll be like Genghis Khan rolling through the battle field.

Teresa is calling me and she can be downright mean if I don't respond to her wishes quickly, gotta go.

John

Update: Damn Diary, Teresa said this today:

In regard to the hunt for terror leader Osama Bin Laden, Heinz Kerry said she could see the al-Qaida chief being caught before the November election.
"I wouldn't be surprised if he appeared in the next month," said Heinz Kerry, alluding to a possible capture by United States and allied forces before election day.
The spouse of Democratic presidential candidate John Kerry also hit President Bush on Iraq, saying it should not be equated with anti-terrorism efforts and that the current administration chose to create a "hotbed for terrorism" in Iraq when dictator Saddam Hussein did not pose an immediate threat. Heinz Kerry also said she agrees with her husband that a military draft may be reinstated under Bush.

I'll tell you diary, she sounded exactly like Mad Albright with that line. She really, really wants to be president...er, first lady.