Hilarious:

Once upon a time, four friends shared the forest. When an evil dictator threatened the peace and security of them all, one of the friends concluded that the bad man had to be driven out of the forest.

"Who will help me disarm and depose this dictator?" asked the American Eagle.

"Not I!" said the French Cock.

"Not I!" said German Boar.

"Not I!" said Russian Bear.

So the Eagle moved its soldiers to the dictator's doorstep on her own.

All the animals gathered in a clearing to try to talk the dictator into doing the right thing before it was too late.

"We've given the dictator 12 years of warnings, and he has done nothing but lie to us, and evade his promises. We all have solid reasons to believe he has poison weapons, and will use them against us one day if he's not stopped," the Eagle said. "Who will help me hold him to account?"

The animals thought for a minute, and, agreeing with Little Bunny Foo-Foo, the secretary-general of the forest, they decided to give the evil dictator "just one more chance." They responded to the Eagle thus:

"Not I!" said the Cock.

"Not I!" said the Boar.

"Not I!" said the Bear.

So the Eagle mustered the English bulldog and other helpers, waged war on the evil dictator and threw him out.

After the war, the Eagle and her friends then faced a difficult and dangerous job cleaning up the mess the dictator had made.

"Who will help me put this poor country back together again?" the Eagle said.

"Not I!" said the Cock.

"Not I!" said the Boar.

"Not I!" said the Bear.

So the Eagle and her friends undertook to rebuild the poor country and help its people on their own. It cost them substantially in the lives of their children and the gold in their treasuries. The Eagle opened her money pouch and began looking to hire plumbers, carpenters and the like to assist the people of this unfortunate nation.

"Who will accept my gold to aid in rebuilding this nation?" said the Eagle.

"I will!" said the Cock.

"I will!" said the Boar.

"I will!" said the Bear.

"Fuggedaboutit!" said the Eagle. "What kind of chump do you think I am?

"When I asked you to risk your blood and treasure to fight the evil dictator who threatened us all, you would not," the Eagle said. "When I asked you to send your own children and gold to help the dictator's nation recover from his misrule, you would not.

"When I most needed you, you weren't there for me. Go whine somewhere else."

And so, the French Cock, the German Boar and the Russian Bear were left to ponder a most excellent lesson on the principle of risk and reward. And they learned that day that their friend the American Eagle, when her forest allies act like Chickens and Ostriches, is not afraid to be a hard Ass.

I pasted the entire article so you wouldn't have to go through the irritating sign-up process. Rod Dreher smacks 'em in the teeth.