Not that I care even remotely;

Twice last week, before the idiotic B-Lo/J-Lo wedding was called off, I was told the same thing: Ben Affleck's close pals staged an "intervention," the kind used for addicts, to stop his wedding to Jennifer Lopez.

It looks like they got through to him.

On Wednesday, friends of Affleck's I talked to didn't deny that the intervention took place, but by the time I reached them the wedding had been canceled anyway. There was relief in the air and in their voices.

I can't understand why people actually get paid to write about the lives of people such as Affleck, a guy who has some talent, but hasn't made a good movie in years, and Lopez, a ghetto chick who is a horrible actress and a worse singer.

Lileks has his hilarious take:

J-Lo and B-Af have called it quits, and I’m as devastated as the rest of you. Which is to say I am incapable of caring any less than I did when that horrid symbiotic organism they called Bennifer first appeared on the covers of US and People and WE and Them and Pretty Humanoid Penile / Mucoid-Membrane Interface Update and all the rest of the magazines that detail the doings of vapid, genetically-blessed bipeds we have elevated to the status of impotent royalty. According to People, which I glimpsed in the checkout line today, the next big thing is Justin and Cameron. The magazine promised to tell me why they’re drawn to each other. That’s why we need People! Lesser mortals might figure that the usual triplicate enticements of money, fame and smokin’ pokin’ are at play here, but no: People will tell us that they share some deep bond based on a moment when they both took calls from their agents advising them to soft-pedal the PETA pronouncements and gradually move their advocacy statements to something more megaplex-friendly, like the Campaign to Save the Peruvian Forests.

"Whoa, Cameron - you like those native flute-guys who play on streetcorners through really loud amps? Me too! I was coming back from this one place and we were like stopped at like Times Square and I heard those guys playing, and it was like totally haunting. I even made my handler run out and buy a CD because I was like, whoa, we need to be seriously considering Peruvian music for underscore in my next film - but did you read that quote my agent sent to my Blackberry? If we don’t speak up the trees they use for native flute will be used for, like, furniture or something. I can’t believe you’re into that! That is so cool!"

It took me 4 seconds to translate the magazine cover - who are they talking about? Justin must be that Timberwood fellow, whose work I cannot quite fix. Cameron would be that goofy Diaz creature who was so lovely in “The Mask” but suffered so many internal tapeworms she will compete with Courtney Cox for a nomination in “The best performance by a prominent sternum bone” in the 04 People’s Choice Award.