Euro nobodies to put on concert no one cares about.

Paul Weller and Faithless are to join stars staging an anti-war concert.

The musicians, including Ian McCulloch and Evan Dando, will perform at The Shepherd's Bush Empire, west London, next Saturday.

The ONE BIG NO concert has been arranged quickly because of fears a conflict in Iraq is imminent.

Who? I would rather see Cher sing the best of Barbra Streisand, while having Robert Fisk tell the story about how he understood why he was being attacked in Afghanistan, while having my hands tied behind my back and no chance of escape.

Lily Sobhani of organisers Bottle said: "Due to the nature of this conflict, we've had to pull this concert together in an extremely short space of time.

Yeah, it's tough to pull a group of "musicians" no one wants to see together in 365 days. Bob Geldof pulled well known musicians together in mere days.

Speaking of Cher, I know you've been waiting for this update. Her wig was found.